My Idea of a Campaign Speech

Colonel Dan, SASS Life #24025

Well, I’m guessing you’ve probably had your fill of election year campaign compost by now and if you’re anything like me, what you’ve heard isn’t worth a bucket of old bullchips. These politicians are either so ignorant about what should be done or so afraid of offending someone that they do their level best not to say anything when they talk. To tell you the truth, I’m sick of it and them so here’s my idea of what I think a campaign speech should be. (After reading it, you’ll know why I’d never be considered by any party let alone nominated or elected to anything.)

“OK folks, let me tell you what I’m all about and the way I look at a few important issues facing us today. If you like what you hear, vote for me in November. If you don’t like it, then vote for someone else…its’ just that simple but don’t expect me to change as the campaign unfolds because I won’t… regardless of who might be offended.

First and foremost, I’m a traditionalist in the mold of our Founders. I believe in the constitution and limited government as envisioned by those Founders. Anything I do while in office will be driven by that philosophy and that document. I have unlimited faith in the exceptionalism of grassroots America and our history of freedom through uncompromised strength. Both have and will continue leading us to greatness if not stifled by an arrogant, overbearing government.

Now what about some of the major concerns of our day? Let me tell you where I stand on those so you can make up your mind about where I stand with you.

Energy is America’s life’s blood. It’s the fuel that enabled American “know how” to excel and put us above all other nations on earth. We’re currently sitting on billions of barrels of oil, billions of cubic feet of natural gas, billions of tons of coal, endless water, solar, wind and nuclear power and we’re still being held hostage by foreign countries who sell us their oil at their prices. That’s absurd! Energy just doesn’t fill our gas tanks but more importantly, it’s the very essence of our way of life and our national defense. Everything we need to protect and sustain ourselves is built by and runs off some form of energy. For America to be so dangerously dependent on any foreign power that could cripple us by turning off the energy spigot is nothing short of a national security threat. And for us to beg oil producing countries to sell more and charge less while we inexplicably refuse to drill our own is just embarrassingly idiotic. As for those who stubbornly stand in the way of America exploiting all her energy resources, they are outright domestic enemies in my view. We’ve proven time and again we can produce the energy we need safely and cleanly so those environmental or global warming arguments won’t have a hearing in my administration when compared to our nation’s very survival. Upon my inauguration as commander in chief I’ll declare a national state of emergency and take whatever action is necessary to lift the restrictions and red tape that currently stand in the way of industry. If Congress wishes to fight that action I invite them to try but I’m bettin’ Americans themselves will vigorously face them down by the tens of millions. With this action, I intend to challenge the same ingenuity that put us on the moon to now put us on a pathway to energy independence measured in years not decades. I know our people when they’re unleashed and put their minds to something so I’m confident it can and will be done.

Now regarding our serious immigration situation, if you’re here legally, working hard, want to become a citizen and adopt our culture, language and laws as your own, I salute you. If you’re here illegally, you’re not welcome and you can rest assured that we will rid ourselves of you by cutting off all benefits and all job opportunities—your homeland will start to look better everyday and the migration tidal wave will be reversed in a matter of weeks. Additionally, our borders will be secured from unauthorized entry but the exit gates will remain wide open for those now motivated to leave. If you’re an employer hiring hard working Americans and immigrants here legally, paying a fair wage based on market forces and treating them as you would want to be treated, I salute you. If you’re hiring illegals, you’re breaking the law and you can rest assured that we’ll catch you and it won’t be pleasant when we do.

Terrorist organizations, state sponsored or individually inspired, should forget about trying to destroy or harm America in anyway. If you entertain thoughts along these lines, I suggest you alter those plans now because we will get you and when we do, you’ll never see another sunrise. The only day in court you can expect will be the one in front of the Almighty. We have the weapons, the forces and the invigorated will at the top to take you down.

Well, my fellow Americans, you know where I stand. I realize there are many more issues to be considered but you can count on the fact that I’ll approach those with the same “America First” philosophy as I have the issues just discussed and look at them under the same light of understanding given us by the Creator and our Founders. In closing, I leave you with one final thought that you can bank on; my confidence in you and our nation will never wane. God Bless America.”

Contact Colonel Dan: coloneldan@bellsouth.net

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